Monday, 5 October 2009

I Love Money 103

27 May 2009: Manchester United Football Club are the champions of England. They have to play Barcelona FC to become champions of Europe.

Those Spaniards played us like a unique cashmere sweater.


Just because you're a big noise in your hometown doesn't mean you're the big noise in the big city.


This week’s MVP

It was his chance to shine.


Let Me Entertain You


With last week’s elimination over it’s time to hit the booze. Mr Boston wants rid of the Stallionaires for strategic purposes – and because he hates Chance.


He puts the feelers out to Heat and Destiney. They’re receptive but they’re also drunk. And stupid.

I’m having a great time in Mexico let me tell ya.”


Any more stupid and he’d be registered disabled.

At this point I like Destiney. She’s with Heat.

I’m not a man who’s going to step on anybody

else’s toes. You know hopefully – hopefully

he’ll be good to her otherwise I’m ready

to move in.”


Meanwhile 12 Pack does the 12 pack.

Next morning is time for new captains. The Gold Team agree on

And the Green Team?

I really want to be team captain today because

just in case we lose I can organise my team

to get the Stallionaires in the box.”


In Flavor of Love Flav and New York had a smooch that last longer than the episode.

This week’s challenge is to top that.

Reality TV exists to humiliate. There are those who have no shame

then there is Chance.

Having sexual contact with Mr Boston

I don’t think so.”


Green Team forfeit.

I don’t think I should have tried to lean in

for a kiss ‘cos you know then his hand would

probably have come straight at my face…


Someone didn’t get the memo.

Heat is prepared to throw a towel at Chance’s back but he’s not prepared to throw anything at his face.

This isn’t Rock of Love and Chance isn’t Dallas.

I don’t think Chance deserves to be in this

competition anymore because two out of

three times he’s disqualified himself.”


But only once as your team mate.


Chance of course can speak up for himself.

Heat is standing there and he’s not even

defending Destiney. I mean what’s going

on here? You guys are supposed to be

together? Defend your woman.”

Ah. The pre menstrual card. Listen love don’t jump into a fight your boyfriend can’t finish.

Heat didn’t do a censored to defend me.

I mean I can’t even believe it.”


She lets him have it.

So I see Destiney is down and out

and I’m ready to move in.”

This is called the Butterfly effect – Heat throws a towel at Chance; Entertainer gets to grope Destiney.

I really like Entertainer a lot.

He’s – he’s a good guy.”


Flipping heck. She doesn’t like her bed cold does she?


Elsewhere others are playing for $250grand.

It looks like everyone is on the same page.

Uh-oh.

Megan’s not my type – blond, fake tits, lazy eye – yet I don’t know if I wouldn't sucumb to a one-on-one. So do you blame 12p?

I don’t trust Megan as far as I can throw her.”


First the all powerful Paymaster has another matter at hand.

At this point in time I’m thinking freaking

Entertainer wants me gone

right here right now.”


Heat, being intellectually challenged, seeks solace in the wrong place.

12p, being inebriated, seeks trouble in the right place.

I can see that Heather’s jealous. The perfect

situation to mess with the Gold Team.”

You’re not going to make me look like a

censored on TV. Been there done that.”

All my work has finally paid off. Heather is

devastated. Gold Team is being torn

apart by Heather.”


Yup. Heather bleats to anyone who’ll listen and when she’s run out of bodies she bleats to the pack himself.

You made me look like an asscensored.”

That’s 12p by the way. Not Brett Michaels.


The paymaster/Entertainer tries to get to the bottom of this. One word comes up:

Megan is an absolute trouble maker. All

she does is run around the house, talk her

nonsense to people and people believe

her. I see right through her lies.”


Not to be confused with intellect. The Entertainer is pure animal instinct.

Next morning

He's having a pretty good run and it’s not over either.


It’s the Green Team’s first time in the vault. They got 15 minutes to decide which three go in the box otherwise the paymaster gets to chose.

Right now I’m not looking forward to the vault

meeting ‘cause I think tempers are going

to flare and I don’t know if someone’s

going to be coming out in a body bag.”


Hmm.

The Stallionaires have been ambushed. Majority vote (all 5 non-Stallionaires) wants the trio in the box.


Oh really?


If you’re going to execute a coup you’re going to need muscle. Mr Boston knows he’s no muscle. Destiney knows Heat is no muscle. The Stallionaires on the other hand…

I think Heat, Megan and one of you

two girls should bounce.”


Deadlock.

The Green Team could not decide which

cheques to put in the strong box. So that

means that the Gold Team has

all the power.”

And our team was like ‘pick strong.

Just go strong.’”

I mean come on. I’m the paymaster here.

I’m making the decision. They need to

shut the censored up.”


Not to be confused with intellect.


Times up. Craig wants to know the Entertainer’s choice.

The Entertainer: “I picked Megan because I just don’t like

her. I want her going home.”

The Entertainer: “I mean quite frankly I mean

I’m dating Destiney now and Heat was dating

Destiney for a couple of days and this

love triangle is kind of awkward.”


And finally

You what?

Boston? How could this happen?

What the censored is Entertainer thinking?

He didn’t listen to a thing we had to say

in the vault and then he picks two weak

asses and an idiot.”


The power outing is by the beach

where Mr Boston pulls a Toastee and fakes illness.

I’m just hoping this puke doesn’t hurt

my chances with Megan.”


In related news - back at the mansion the Entertainer seeks insider info.

I mean I definitely see Heat as being a threat.

I’m a let him know Heat still got feelings for

your girl; your girl still got feelings for Heat.

Maybe he’ll eliminate him that way.

Heat, you gone tonight homey.”


With that said

It’s the eliminations

If the Entertainer were bright I think a smart

decision would be to send me home ‘cos

I’m already working so many tricks that

he doesn’t even know what’s hitting him.”

Go back to freaking where you came from.

Mexico’s not for you Megan.”

As I start walking down I see Megan half naked.

She’s ready to go out with a bang.”

So I think I’m going home because the Entertainer

has something personal against me. Obviously

not the smartest decision but he’s obviously

not the smartest guy.”


Time. Who gets the first cheque?

I totally fooled the idiot with my sickness.

He thinks I’m the weakest guy in the team.”

Heat with Destiney and Megan with her lies.

I don’t know what I’m going to do tonight.”


Yes you do.


The Entertainer: “The next cheque is going to

go to Heat.”

The Entertainer: “Heat. My decision is for you

to leave tonight.”

I hope you and Destiney have fun in

your mom’s bedroom.”


Megan dodged a bullet.

The Entertainer:Hopefully you won’t be causing

problems in this house anymore 'cos I

will make your life a living hell if you do.”


Now she’s fully loaded.

Next week on I Love Money

video

Read more Thrill Fiction: I Love Money 104


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